I am often told that I am a good gift giver.  I love getting to know someone and finding just the right thing to make them smile.  I recently went through an experience that made me realize that gifts come in many different forms.

I am 33 and was diagnosed with cervical cancer 6 weeks ago.  4 weeks ago I had a Radical Hysterectomy.  I am married but we do not have children yet.  The whole process happened so quickly.  It is truly  one of those times in life where you have to pinch yourself to see if this is really happening to you.  I also reacted much differently than I thought I would.  I grew to be grateful.  Grateful for my amazing husband; who has now learned to change a catheter bag (something I was hoping we were never going to have to share together).  Grateful for my family who never made me feel like I was going to be “less” after my uterus and cervix were removed.  Grateful to my team at work who covered for me with no questions and allowed me to take a vacation after taking 11 days off for surgery!  Grateful that my surgeon was able to remove my entire tumor with surgery.  Grateful for my friends who all took time to remind me how loved I am.  Grateful for the stories people would share with me about how I helped them out during a tough time or moment in his or her life.  I was overwhelmed about what an effect I have had on people.

Part of this process is sadness.  I get sad that I will never be able to provide my husband with a biological child.  Sometimes I feel like this isn’t the life he signed up for.  But I have learned to not let myself go to that place in my mind.  I have been in counseling and have been working hard to make sure I address these feelings so I can have more good days than bad days!

I have decided that I need a way to channel all of my energy!  I feel like I have so much to give.  I want to step outside of my “box” and grow as a person.  I want to live.  I want to find a new hobby.  I want to try something new.  I want to continue to take my gift giving game to another level. I feel like no one is going to read this blog except for my mom BUT I am excited to get started on spreading my wings!!!